Your relationship ended through breakup or divorce. You put the past behind you and you're eager to date again. But are you really sure you're ready? Play it safe and see if you are truly dating material yet:

You are ready to date again if:

1) You take some responsibility for the past breakup no matter what the circumstances. - You say, "But you don't know my ex and what he/she put me through." I say "My divorce could be scripted for a blockbuster horror film", but the fact is, it takes 2 to make or break a relationship. If you are able to take some responsibility, you will be less likely to exhibit a bitter attitude about the past relationship, and that's a huge plus to the potential new relationship.

2) You can find things about the past relationship that made you a better person. - All relationships teach us lessons in one way or another. What lessons did you receive and how did you grow? How did the past make you a better person for the next partner?

3) You can communicate with friends, co-workers and family without rehashing your past breakup. - Can you make it through a day without referring to your ex-partner? Or is the breakup always on your mind? Have you gotten past the affair, the wrong-doing, the emptiness, to the point that it doesn't cross your mind for weeks at a time? If so, you will be more inclined to leave your past pain out of the new relationship.

4) You can be honest about your past without the need to overpower your date. - While honesty is important, there is no need to exhume all the gory details. That's just bad energy that doesn't belong in a new relationship. No one likes a victim and even if you are truly healed, you may appear the martyr if you go into detail. A love interest may feel the right to ask certain questions so they can best determine your character. An appropriate response to any inquiry about your past breakup/divorce could be "My (divorce/breakup) really helped me to look at myself a little closer and make necessary changes. I'd be glad to answer more questions as we get to know each other, but right now I'm interested in learning more about you".

5) You can be alone. - That's right; if you feel okay by yourself and you are content doing things solo, you are ready to date. If on the other hand, you are uneasy being alone, even on a Saturday night, you may need to look at the reasons. Do you need the approval of someone else to make you feel loved or valued? Do you feel inadequate and run away instead of working on yourself? The fact is, you may be able to hide a lack of confidence temporarily, but it won't be long before a potential partner senses it and runs for the hills.

Above all else, remember this fundamental fact before you go on the dating market. You will attract the type of person that most matches your current state of mind. If you are stuck in a quagmire of resentment over a past relationship, you may find yourself sitting across the restaurant table from a potential mate that experiences the same thing in his/her life. And who wants that? Or if you are desperate to find a partner to relieve your anxiety of being alone, you may eventually find the date sitting by your side in the theater has as low a level of self-esteem as you. And a relationship like that will most surely cause more heartache down the road.

Make sure you feel whole, confident and happy just the way you are, and then you'll know you are truly ready to date!

Author's Bio: 

Lynette Landing is an enthusiastic speaker, personal development coach, business owner and a professional member of the National Speakers Association. Lynette is an authority on personal empowerment; specifically building self esteem, overcoming strife, coping with change and expanding one's comfort zone. Once a penniless, single mom, Lynette abandoned her lack of self-worth and became engrossed with studying the habits of leaders, self-made successes and entrepreneurs. She developed her own life-changing tricks to creating a successful life and manifesting her heart's desires. Today she helps others to set and surpass their own goals by bringing her motivational message to individuals and groups. Lynette's company, Look for the Sun ( offers a variety of empowering teleconferences, workshops and individual and group coaching on or off site. Her classes offer simple, yet memorable strategies for mastering new personal and professional heights. Visit her website at
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