New Year's Eve is the traditional time to make resolutions for the upcoming year. Most resolutions are about something we really, really want. Even if you are not the type who makes New Year's resolutions, notice that somewhere, quietly, in the back of your mind, you are probably making one anyway.

The problem with resolutions, though, is that most people never keep theirs. And it's no surprise why. Most of us resolve for big things -- lose weight, get into a relationship, improve a relationship, get a better job, improve business, get healthy, save money, etc. These are not easy things, and cannot be accomplished simply because we resolve to accomplish them. It's not that big things can't be accomplished. It's just that it takes something, and often lots of something, to move us in the direction of accomplishing something big.

This New Year's Eve, try something different. I'm not guaranteeing this will work for everyone, but it may be an interesting and useful experiment. It has to be easier thanresolving to do some huge thing you will probably give up a few days or weeks after the start of the year.

Instead of resolving to achieve, become, or get something, resolve to add a positive state of being to your life. For example, resolve to add the state of joy for the year 2003. Or resolve to add the state of laughter for 2003. Or, resolve to add the state of pleasure, or creativity, or aliveness, or surrender, or compassion, or love.

This way your focus will not be on striving for a goal. It will be on asking yourself what needs to be adjusted, or shifted, in order to create the state you've resolved to add. You may find this much easier than other resolutions you have made. It is easier to answer the question, "What will help me feel happy or creative right now?" instead of answering the question, "What will help me lose weight right now?" The first question definitely has an answer with fairly easy, immediate actions that you are likely to be willing to take. The second question also has an answer with fairly easy steps, but you are not as likely to be willing to take them.

How will this get you to what you really want to achieve, become, or get in the New Year? When you dwell in a positive state, such as joy, laughter, pleasure, creativity, aliveness,surrender, peace, compassion, love -- even some of the time -- much more is possible in your life than would be possible otherwise. The thing you originally wanted to make as your NewYear's resolution may just come about as a result of a new positive state you create. The thing you want may happen effortlessly.

Happy New Year! May you make 2003 a wonderful year!

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

Author's Bio: 

As a Master Certified professional relationship coach, Rinatta Paries works with hundreds of singles each month seeking her expertise in helping them find and attract loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. Nearly 10,000 subscribers read her weekly ezine, "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," filled with insightful, applicable and attainable relationship advice. Rinatta is a graduate of Coach University, a premier educational institution for training professional coaches, and a member of the International Coach Federation, an independent coaching certification organization. For more information, visit