Finding Your Mental Sweet Spot
by Bill Cottrigner
Sitting in two overgrown cedar rocking chairs watching the South Fork of the Snoqualmie River go flowing by in quiet North Bend, WA, two people—one intellectual and the other very practical—were just talking about troublesome life situations in a casual manner. One said to the other, “Do you think we make things more complicated than they need to be?” The other replied, “It depends on how much the people know and how close they are to one another.”
“I am not really sure what that means,” she replied. “Well,” he began, “It is really hard to talk about simplicity in a simple manner without complicating it. Just about the time you think you have it covered, you think of some other important detail and you are not sure how much more detail you need to go into explaining the additional detail.” “Hmmm,” She said without the expected puzzlement, “For some strange reason I think I know what you mean. Fortunately she had read Oliver Wendell Holmes famous quote, “I wouldn’t give a fig for simplicity on this side of complexity, but for simplicity on the far side of complexity I would give my right arm.”
Immediately sensing the apparent understanding, the intellectual stated in a rather informative way, “I think we all make things more complicated by falling prey to seven simple mistakes in something we are all trying to do and then make more mistakes trying to undo these mistakes, even in applying the solutions. Let me ask you a question, he resumed, What do you think any reasonably successful and content athletes, politicians, parents, factory workers, teacher, soldiers, students, artists or retirees have in common?”
“In all honesty, I don’t have a clue,” was her spontaneous response. He quickly quipped, “we are all trying to find our mental sweet spot—the place where we need to be to take advantage of knowing a little to fix a lot, especially by making progress in improving seven important reality repair skills.”
“The practical one wanted to know what these things were so she could decide if they were in fact simple and practical. Actually she secretly wanted to know if these were common problems that she had already figured solutions around, through, over or under. So she impulsively asked, “Okay let’s have them.”
Harry started with, “First of all, people want overly simple solutions and quick fixes to complicated problems and that is not the way it works.” Of course Sally couldn’t resist, “Well, then how does it work Harry?” “You have to look for solid principles, or the way things work in a variety of different situations, to simplify problems,” he said. Being practical, Sally had to ask, “Can you give me an example?”
Harry always had practical examples, but he could never figure out how to break down his metaphorical insights into something people could see, feel, and smell. But he went ahead and blurted out, “Whenever I want to know what to do, I just think of the easiest thing I can do that will get the best results and the least side effects.” Sally knew this principle in her head but wanted a little more concrete example which she assertively asked for. “Give me a real live example, Harry—one that I can see and touch with my hands.”
Harry scratched his head but was up to the challenge, because this is what he did best—explain the complexity of things until they became so simple they couldn’t be misunderstood.” “Here’s a real live example, “You obviously want to hear the main ways people get derailed in life to see if you have mastered the solutions yourself, so here they are for your verification:
1. People don’t spend enough time learning important principles like communicating simply and clearly like we are doing right now. Principles are not easy to find because they have to be experienced firsthand. Looking in the wrong places wastes a lot of time and causes too much confusion. Probably nature demonstrates most of the principles you will ever need to know.
2. We often don’t take the time to question the why or purpose of what we are trying to do, especially with our whole life. A lot of the time we just wander (and wonder) around aimlessly. That can waste a lot more time and then when we figure it out we have to figure out how to communicate it, which takes a lot more time.
3. Something we often fail to see is that what we are seeing depends upon where we are doing the looking, or the perspective we have. And if we don’t like what we see, it is a simple matter of moving to a different viewpoint or place to look from. Believe me that saves a ton of time not trying to convince yourself that what you see is really true when you know darn well it isn’t.
4. I used to be a teacher and I can tell you one thing for sure—It was my passion for psychology and how it could be used to make life better for people that made me into a great teacher, not all the time I wasted in accumulating my knowledge of the subject matter or learning how well I could teach it. Life wouldn’t really matter to me without my passion.
5. Now I apologize here but I have to use an odd word—polarizations. I think mirrors and language lead us to believe we could divide life into “me” and everything else. We can easily get caught up with very unproductive thinking that convinces us something is either good or bad, right or wrong, or beneficial or harmful. The only thing I can say is that cuts our chances for happiness and success in half and that may result in a half-wasted life. Sad but true.
6. Setting and keeping priorities get to be a real problem, because it often takes a serious tragedy to let you know what really matters most and what doesn’t. You talk about wasting time? Be honest and tell me how much of your life has been wasted on the wrong priorities. Keep that to yourself!
7. Finally we get to the last problem—problem-solving. Life seems to be one continuous series of problems to be solved. How much time do y0u think we waste not solving the problems before us? And really all you have to do to be successful in this area is to keep flexible and look and listen to the solutions that are already there, far outnumbering the problems!
“These are all practical principles that help simplify problems in life and I can’t be any more practical or simple than that,” concluded Harry. Sally certainly agreed.
William Cottringer, Ph.D. is President of Puget Sound Security in Bellevue, WA. He also engages in photography, sport psychology counseling, business success coaching and writing in his home in the scenic and peaceful mountains and rivers of North Bend. He is author of several personal and professional development books including You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too (Executive Excellence Publishing), The Bow-Wow Secrets (Wisdom Tree), “P” Point Management and Do What Matters Most (Atlantic Publishers), and Reality Repair: Fixing a Lot by Knowing a Little. Bill can be contacted with comments and questions at (425) 454-5011 or bcottringer@pssp.net
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