It was a drunken Saturday night at Red's Place some fifteen years ago when I first heard about the grip. I was young, just over the legal age, and had a few shots too many, enjoying a "bacchanalian" night on the town so typical for that period of my life.

A woman sat at the bar next to my good friend and mentor, talking spirituality (both of them into that) and discussing me. She said something about the "grip" referring to the way he kept me under his wing and they had a protracted debate over whether or not he was using it.

I had no idea what they were talking about at the time, but I've come to understand what she meant.

In almost every human interaction there are certain unspoken expectations that we all keep secretly under the surface. Examples of this would be:

asking someone out because you want to sleep with them while appearing on the surface to not have that as a priority on your mind

wanting to start a partnership with someone who has money while plotting to drain them of their assets while not performing your duties in the business

Your boss asks you to work overtime frequently with a promise to look at promoting you when in reality they have no intention of ever doing so

You see, the "grip" is when you are subtly manipulating a person to get a selfish benefit out of it. There is a degree of psychic influence you can exert as you conceal your true intentions. It comes about when people are attached to a particular outcome. The name of this game is "control."

Any violation of the respect for a person's free will will result in a karmic debt. "You reap what you sow." or "What comes around goes around."

So what are we to do about the problem?

On your end, make sure that your intentions are transparent. This requires good communication and it means being open and honest. You should make it a point to never use guilt, fear or taking something away as a means to getting what you want. These actions are "dirty pool" and they not only contaminate your victim but you as well. This is why Jesus talked so much about being selfless. The "grip" is effective but it comes at a high cost.

To defend yourself from the grip, you begin by asking a lot of questions before agreeing to anything. You should look the person in the eye and watch for signs of deception. Are they nervous? Do they have a hard time maintaining eye contact? Are they maybe even sweating a bit?

Next, go inside. Pay attention to how things feel on a "gut" level. Is your stomach contracting into a knot? Are you feeling anxiety? Distrust? What does the small voice inside of you recommend?

The grip is used by people who know what you want badly. They realize that if they can give you what you want, they can take what they want without you realizing their intent in advance.

These scenarios can last decades if played by a skillful "grip" master. They may or may not be fully aware of what they're doing but on some level they know they are getting over on you and this sets the dynamic of a power imbalance.

Energy should always flow through people that are involved on any level without force. Energy is meant to be shared, not stolen.

So watch out for the "grip" and mind that you don't use it yourself.

Author's Bio: 

Synchronicity Expert, Bill White is an author, speaker and success coach.

Bill White was born in 1969, and adopted by the people who became his family in that same year. At the age of ten, his parents separated, and five members of his family died, including his beloved grandmother, who passed away in the presence of 10-year-old Bill on Christmas Day, 1979. At an age when most young people are riding their bikes, playing baseball, and not worrying about much other than their homework, Bill had already come face to face with that question, "What is the use?" He immersed himself in a study of ancient and modern philosophical, theological and metaphysical traditions from throughout the world, seeking an answer to that question. Bill's study continues to this day.

His website,
provides extensive information about spiritual issues as well as synchronicity and destiny as moving forces in our personal journey. His magazine, Synchronicity In Your Life, is available in digital format for free at