ANY RELATIONSHIP CAN GO SOUTH QUICKLY

ANY RELATIONSHIP CAN GO SOUTH QUICKLY
By
Bill Cottringer

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” ~Henry Winkler.

Great, good or ghastly relationships can go South in a New York second if they are not prepared ahead of time for the Big “S”—the inevitable stress that challenges the foundation of the relationship. This is especially true today with the overload of stress that is burying us all.

Of course relationships that are built upon the 3 C’s of Commitment, Compatibility and Communication always have a much better survival rate even with major stressors enter the scene like unemployment, excessive financial debt, physical illness, growing apart, family interference, death of a child or the 3 A’s of adultery, addiction and abuse.

Here’s a quick summary of how these things work, with or without stress:

• When total commitment to the relationship is made by both people, then that adds the right quality bricks to the foundation. When lack of commitment is noticeable by either person, by one or both holding something back, then the necessary trust ingredient is absent and you have weak, low grade bricks, no exceptions.

• If you have reasonable compatibility of values and interests and a compatible way to deal with the differences in the relationship, the high quality bricks match and fit well together to make an even stronger foundation.

• Good communication is the mortar and concrete that holds the bricks and foundation together in strength and unity. It is through open, direct and assertive communication in making periodic reality checks and discussing any issues at hand that prevents the deadly termites of unspoken discontent and negative festering, from eating the strength out of the foundation.

Partial Commitment + Incompatibility + Poor Communication = Relationship Going South

Obviously the stronger or weaker the relationship foundation is with these critical three C’s, the more resistive or susceptible the couple is to the potentially devastating stresses that will inevitably come along. There is no way around the fact that these things are directly proportional to each other.

I am not 100% sure about this from any compelling research proof, but it seems the better prepared anyone is for an emergency situation, the less likely they are to get in that situation. This is the Boy Scout motto. I know when I spend time doing a thorough vehicle check before going on a long trip, the less likely I am to get stuck with a flat tire and no spare or windshield wipers that won’t work in a fierce rainstorm. Why would the same not be true if a couple spends the time and effort making sure the 3 C’s are working together the way they should to reinforce the strength of the relationship’s foundation?

This foundation thing seems worthy of constant consideration from the very beginning of a relationship—especially screening in and screening out a potential mate in the selection process (which we are seldom masters at doing properly), to on-going periodic relationship maintenance schedule. There is much wisdom in Michelangelo’s saying that “What starts out right has a much better chance of ending right.”